so much to say

I felt like I haven’t blogged in so long. Now I just blog on the weekends. I have tons to do but so much to get out.

I’m so irritable. I hate being irritable. And Julie, you win. You are right. But you aren’t very perceptive if you don’t think I already knew that. One more thing about work/people. A is very smart and perceptive…or so I thought. This only affects me because she is talking about me in the office. I’m hearing her and I’m in disbelief. I know she is smarter than that when it comes to people. So is she “dumbing” herself down (how disingenuous) for the others. I need to stop trying to figure these people out.

My dad is here. Well not now. (thank g-d). He is out of town but will be back in a day or so. He left all his stuff. NO PARENTS. PARTY AT MY HOUSE! 😉 As far as my social anxiety goes, it is better…only when it comes to him though. Normally we wouldn’t talk at all. We are still very much estranged because we don’t talk about anything intimate at all. But that I’m even talking to him at all especially when I was sooooooooooo pissed he was staying with me is beautiful.

However, I still feel inadequate. I’m not cooking. (He can cook so that isn’t the issue. It’s me not doing it AT ALL). My living looks like a tornado hit it. But the kitchen and bathroom is clean. His room is my bedroom. Which I’d turned into a storage room for my books, clothes, & random appliances. lol. So all he has is a bed. No TV and no AC. (I have a wall unit in the living room). And no internet. More on that later. THE BIGGEST ISSUE that I wish I could get over is not driving him places.

The thought of being stuck in a car with anyone other than my mom makes me anxious. I’m fine if the other person is driving. I would let him drive my car if he had a license. Anything to not have to drive him around. So I haven’t driven him anywhere. I don’t know how long he is staying (too afraid to ask) but ugh! I really don’t want to. I have to go to the library for 15 minutes this weekend, it would be nice if I said, “do you have anywhere to go?”

He is used to walking. He is a veteran. And now lives in a poor country (according to America’s standards). So he isn’t soft (like me). But there is one thing he really wants and I feel his pain….the internet!

I’ve been considering getting wireless for a while but the prices are outrageous. I wish DirectTV offered wireless or just high speed so I could get a discount. I’m thinking of getting Verizon phone and Internet. I hate making choices like this. I use dial up…the only person left??? I don’t use the phone for anything other than internet and the occasional fax. I don’t have any long distance plan….not that I have anyone to talk to. Even if I talked to my dad, he lives too far away to get that call free. I hate talking on the phone.

Anyhow, I do occasionally see “free” conferences online that I wish I could participate in but it is always a long distance number so I can’t call in. What are they call? Conference calls like at work? You know what I mean. Is anyone reading this? My ass hurts. No, I haven’t been wearing Shape-ups during the past 3 days.

So I’m thinking of taking the plunge. I was going to just get wireless for 30 days. That would be more for my dad than me. That is expensive. By the time everything is added up, it is probably $100 just for one month! I guess I’m going to sign a *&^% contract which only bothers me because *gasp* What if I don’t have income? Then I’ll just put the early termination fee on an unused credit card. Sigh. I don’t know. I hate making decisions. Yes any decisions. It’s shocking that I own a house. That was done out of necessity, trust me. I hate commitment.

All this to say, I’m going to get wireless internet like everyone else in the world. ??? I have a quote I want to post but I’ll do that later. I hope I can get wireless soon. I wish I could just stop by the store and pick up the router but if I don’t do it online than I don’t get a free router. blah. blah. ugh.

And yes part of me is wondering if I’m doing this for him. But who doesn’t want wireless internet? But am I doing it for approval?
I’m going to do all my easy homework tonight. I’ve waited until the last minute to do everything. School used to be my thing.


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