I have to repent. Feeling bad doesn’t solve anything. But I do feel bad but I’m not beating myself up like I would have a few years ago.
I’m used to not matter-ing. I never mattered my youth through college. So I thought it would continue. I am still mystified WHY anyone would care what I think about them. I’m a loser, outcast, etc.
If I hurt Ax feelings…then I’m truly sorry. My first thought was, “Next time I see her in the hall, I will do the right thing and not pass her.”But now I know that is considered rudeness in the social world. Ha, at least I’m learning. We passed each other, she put her down which to put is the ultimate dismissal. On a good day, I would not have reacted. It’s really petty because all the rules are stupid. I don’t follow her rules so she gets offended and vice versa.
Very petty & dumb.
I didn’t have the worst day ever. I was just irritable all morning. Then after lunch Mx laughed at me. I immediately thought it was about my personal appearance because that is what it always is about. Now I think it was just an attempt to make me feel bad about myself. (too late) That is what I should have dismissed instead of getting pissed at Ax over a PERCEIVED dismissal.
And what do I care if people dismiss me? Petty, petty, petty.
I wish I could say that I will never react again but that would be lying to myself. If this doesn’t make sense, it is not supposed to.
I have to bag & price shoes tonight. It is supposed to rain on Saturday…