case of the Fridays

I had the worst day ever………at work.

I let them win. I REACTED. Multiple times but I didn’t say anything. LOL. It’s the same ol’ story.

They don’t like me b/c I don’t talk to them. That’s simplified obviously. Continuing: They (85%) gang up on me. I don’t have any allies.

As I’ve said by Friday my nerves are frayed. I could feel them frying yesterday. Seriously. I got up walked around AND SOMEONE TOLD PEOPLE IN MY DEPARTMENT. I hate tattle tales. Hate them (not talking about illegal activity, of course). D is the #1 tattler. She doesn’t want me there and she also tells the manager EVERYTHING. Keep in my mind, I’m not doing anything unethical.

ex: She told everyone (15 peeps in our department) that I would go to the stairwell and eat my breakfast. Um, yes I can’t eat breakfast @ home. It’s too early and I’m too nauseous to eat. Once my stomach semi-settles, I’ll eat a yogurt bar with my coffee. I try to keep it under 8 minutes. Most days that is easy but some days I check my voice mail and it’s something bad I have to respond to. That’s rare but anyway it is silly because they are up for 30 minutes at a time talking to another person. This is strange to me because at my last job we had to work 95% of the time. It was logged. There wasn’t any getting up.

It bothered me because I would always make up that time by taking a shorter lunch or just adding five minutes to the day, something I didn’t have to do.

That’s probably a bad example but my point is I FEEL LIKE I’M JAIL. How would you feel if someone reported every little thing you do??!! It probably started because the manager didn’t know much about me.

Sigh.

I know it is all about perception but sometimes shit is what it is.

YES I WENT OFF. I threw my notebook around – not on the floor I work on. I slammed it down twice in is what is a semi-empty lobby. Meaning there isn’t a reception area but there are people in closed rooms. whatever.

The bad things are I raced my car out the parking lot while throwing my hands in the air. If anyone read my lips they probably figured out I said hate a few times but that isn’t the worse thing…

This is the meltdown part: I put my middle finger down (YES – always down but I do mean “fuck you”). I used to do this by hiding my hand/finger under my desk a couple of years ago but then I started getting more into Buddhism. So I’m extremely frustrated with myself. We have cubicles so I doubt anyone saw…okay seriously I probably did it under my desk at least 3-4 times. I think the tattle tale might have seen it.* I think she is the first person I’ve hated since high school. I try to work on it but it’s a little hard when the person keeps doing things.

*It wasn’t b/c I had an issue with her today and I’m sure she knows that.

Of course they gathered around to talk about how I shouldn’t be there. They’ve wanted me gone for months. This stings but I’m not going to worry about it. If the universe sees it is fit it will punish me (and them0. It’s called karma. sometimes I feel like my life is one cosmic mess or mistake.

————-
Well I won’t let this ruin my weekend. Fridays are soooooo hard. My mom is outta town. I’m going to crash at her house and watch movies. I want to see Nick & Norah. (she has Ondemand w/ all the channels) and I may go to the mall to get my makeup done. No MAC for me. I just want my makeup done to a.) take a picture for a website and b.) so I can order the products from Avon. I only have 50% off for 5 more days. I have to buy makeup even though I know I won’t use it every day.

And I really want to do online Avon charity events. There won’t be much in it for me money wise but then at least Avon can be more than fashion/beauty. It can be meaningful..help my purpose in life. Btw, they do a lot for breast cancer research and they don’t test on animals. avon is a good company. 🙂

posting more soon. 750 words. whew.

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