All this trying to/wanting to find myself is BS.
The only way to eliminate suffering is to actually recognize the experience of a self as a misconception, which we do by proving directly to ourselves that there is no such personal self. We must actually realise this. Once we do, then automatically the misconception of a self and our fixation on that “self” will disappear. Only by directly experiencing selflessness can we end the process of confused projection. This is why the Buddha emphasized meditation on selflessness or egolessness. However, to meditate on egolessness, we must undertake a process that begins with a conceptual understanding of egolessness; then, based on that understanding, there can be meditation, and finally realization.
-Khenchen Thrangu Rinpoche
how do i show compassion? i care about everyone. but how does a shy person show their compassion?
self consciousness–>not doing anything that will cause me to be disliked
but obviously that has not worked. what is the definition of crazy?
rejection–>defense mechanisms–>people hating me
okay, i left some stuff out but that sums it up
so i have to be totally selfless to show compassion. but that goes back to shyness. if there isn’t a self there can’t be self consciousness.
i believe showing compassion leads to happiness. does that mean my life will always be hell. i give to charity but i have to DO stuff too. how do i do stuff when i’m allergic to people.
group of people—>gossip about me (self)—>feels rejected—>hates all people…until I let go.
wash & repeat
i have the empathy and compassion. i just have a huge issue with showing it
life as hell is not worth living. what a waste of time.