Obsessed

I think it’s funny that people are debating the use of medical marijuana. Lots of illegal drugs probably help people deal with pain/sickness. I’ve never tried marijuana (or any illegal drugs) so I don’t know much about it. I don’t have an opinion on whether it should be legalize or not. It doesn’t matter to me either way. Just saying. Yes I’m watching Anderson Cooper. I used to watch Keith Olbermann but he is wearing on me. I love, love Rachel Maddow. She is truly an individual.

rachel maddow

This entry will be random. I made 105 on my second biology test!! 🙂

Speaking of medicine. I was on the lowest dose of Klonopin. 0.5mg in the morning. Keep in mind that I have/had one of the worst case of social anxiety professional people have ever seen. Now I take 1mg in the morning. Clearly that isn’t enough. Some of it is my “fault” b/c I get drowsy easily. I can’t do my work if I’m sleepy plus it makes me irritable. I don’t need medicine for that.

Anyway before I went to the salon today I took 1mg of Klonopin. It’s like taking nothing when it comes to my nervous system. It’s embarrassing and a REAL issue. Okay, if I just wrote people off (for real), it wouldn’t be an issue but I’m a softy. Here’s what happened: I was sitting in my stylist’s chair. The woman next to my station quickly turned around in the swivel chair. I jerked my body or eyes. This happened in 5 seconds. Obviously no thinking was involved. My nervous system is out of whack or it is a habit but in 5 seconds is that really cognizant? It is sort of like a nervous spasm. I don’t know. I just freak out.

It happens all the time. My stylist laughed. They noticed. See this is how the low self esteem/hating myself cycle happens. The other stylist or customer probably made a face like “WTF is wrong with her?” And my stylist chuckled. Happens all the time. That is why I stopped going to the salon 2 years ago. It is so uncomfortable. And those damn swivel chairs! Sometimes I don’t have anywhere to look. I should quit just based on money but my hair is a mess so….

I’m going off on a tangent. My point is that my nervous systems needs more than 1mg of Klonopin. I don’t want to take 5mg a day. I couldn’t even do anything with all that in my system but I think my nervous system needs it. I wish I could get a xray of my brain (too expensive and of course insurance won’t pay for that). I think my frontal lobe (or whatever) is messed up. And whatever part is for speech is abnormal.

I do notice that Klonopin works a little…for maybe 3-4 hours after I take it. I usually am less likely to freak out in social situations ifyouknowwhatImean.

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::sigh:: another pointless post…I’m off from work so I clearly have a little bit of extra time. I want to post on who I think MUST be on The Real Housewives of DC. And I have a few thoughts on Jersey even though I haven’t seen much of it. Pop culture post coming soon.

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5 cool points or to people who get the obsessed reference. 🙂 Aug 2009, baby!

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