people aren’t bad?

*Lunch date*

Like I said on twitter, it wasn’t that bad. I had to fill the silences though. If it was silent for more than 5 minutes I just threw a question out there. Even lame stuff like, “Are you a sports fan?” No she wasn’t. LOL. In the past I would have just waited for her to say stuff. I guess I’m not as bad as I thought. Well I know I’m better one on one.

When we first left the building it was bumpy. There was another person there leaving at the same time we were. They talked. I said nothing. I looked down, no eye contact. I was thinking, ‘SAVE ME’. At that point I thought, “this could be a total disaster’. Luckily the other person went on her way. I suck at groups…even when it is just 3 people!

So my social anxiety is still in effect. I just freeze in groups.

One dramatic thing did happen. She freaked out because she thought I might be an atheist! She asked me if I went to church. I said “no”…probably too wearily. Then she started going off on “I’m with an atheist!” ROFL. It was so weird. Too strange. I’m thinking people in the office may think I’m an atheist. I have identified that way for brief periods of my life but not now. Buddhist aren’t atheists, right??? How can any spiritual person be an atheist?

No, I don’t believe in the god that Christians worship. I choose not to. I have to point out that I did have a quote on my desk by Buddha. She probably never saw it but I know people talk. So I’m guessing that my melancholy nature plus my Buddha quote might lead my coworkers to believe that I don’t believe in a God. I don’t believe in the god they do but I believe in the universe. Is that atheist? IMO, no. Any spiritual person believes there is something bigger than them. Some people call it god, I don’t.

Anyway I’m pleased with the way it went. She said she was too but that is the polite thing to say. I don’t feel I can tell my therapist though because she wants me to have friends. ugh. So she will try to push me to ask her to do stuff. etc. I’m just cool with having an acquaintance at work.

Project organization was officially started yesterday. My mom was a god and cleaned my kitchen while I worked on the living room. I actually threw away 4 pieces of clothing!!! All from the thrift store, of course. I’ve been saying I wanted to donate the clothes to a homeless shelter but the stuff I threw away yesterday was beyond repair. What keeps me from donating (or even selling on Ebay) is having to have the clothes dry cleaned first. Yes horrible excuse. I hate dry cleaning clothes.

I still have a lot to do. I brought a clothes rack that I have to put together. But I also have a bio test tomorrow night so I have to balance things.
Random: Sometimes I feel bad for Joe Biden. It’s clear that Obama and Biden are opposites. To be in that administration he must feel like “I can’t be myself”. Clearly I’m projecting. He is probably not a feeler (Obama allegedly is though) Why am I thinking this nonsense right now? I’m watching “Meet the Press”. I miss Tim. 😦


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